to AquaSquirt, the ONE and ONLY!
I’ll post more later! Just super busy with school starting tomorrow! 🙂
Those measurements are not today’s measurements. They are the measurements from the last beta test.
The paranoia and fear REALLY set in prior to this last beta. I was seriously convinced that it was over. The sad part was I didn’t really have a good, sane reason for this fear. My only reasoning was because most of my symptoms had decreased or disappeared. My breasts weren’t as tender. I wasn’t cramping as much. I actually made it through a day without needing a nap. I really thought that these were all signs that I wasn’t pregnant anymore.
Luckily, that wasn’t the case at all. Here are my numbers from Thursday’s test.
Beta Test #3
Progesterone: 98 (The nurse made sure to tell me that progesterone isn’t expected to double, so this is still a good level, even though it’s the same as last time.)
You can click on this updated link for a frame of reference. The BetaBase (it has my last two beta tests marked also).
So let’s look at all of them all together. 🙂 I’m all about charts and comparing
Beta #1: 12dp5dt (17dpo)
Beta #2: 16dp5dt (21dpo)
Beta #3: 19dp5dt (24dpo)
When you look at these charts you may understand why The Boy is slightly (hugely) concerned that there may be more than one AquaSquirt in there. As long as there’s at least one in there, I’m good. 🙂
I have felt MUCH better since I got the three Beta tests over with. But I think I will feel A HUNDRED TIMES better when I see the little squirt(s). We have our first ultrasound on Monday (8/11)! I was doing some research on the Internet, and I had to warn The Boy that there may be a chance that they won’t even be able to tell us for sure if there are more than one, especially since they’re going to be in the same sac.
I can hardly wait for our ultrasound, fortunately we have some things going on this weekend that will keep me busy and distracted! 🙂
Today is 5w3d and AquaSquirt is the size of an orange seed (teeny tiny). 🙂
Whew.. AquaSquirt is still in there! 🙂
In keeping with my normal self, I have been uber-paranoid (along with super overjoyed, of course). What do I mean by paranoid? Well, I’ve had a strong desire to take a HPT every day to make sure I am still pregnant. Whenever I feel fine/don’t feel like I’m having any symptoms I’m afraid that I’ve lost it. Fortunately, I have not let my insanity completely take over… but it has creeped in a little. Last night, after sharing my fears with The Boy, he encouraged me to just go ahead and POAS. He said that if it will help me feel better and relax then it’s all the better for the baby. He told me to just POAS as many times as I want. (I’m so glad he is so understanding. I was really expecting him to tell me I was being crazy and to not worry.)
So I POAS and it still said PREGNANT. 🙂 It made me feel much better, and The Boy seemed happier too.
Today’s Beta test helped me relax even more.
Beta Test #2
You can click on this updated link for a frame of reference. The BetaBase (it has my last beta test marked also).
Nurse Turri was the one who called today. She wanted to call so she could congratulate me herself since she didn’t get to be the one to call last time. The number seemed a little high to me, so I asked her about it. She said that I started off a little high, so it’s okay. It’s a good level.
It was quite humorous when I gave the information to The Boy. His initial reaction was “That number’s really high, isn’t it?” in a voice of concern. You see, it’s The Boy’s fear that there maybe multiple AquaSquirts growing in there. 🙂 So, whenever I get information about my Beta tests, he is always trying to compare it to my sister’s (who, as you know, is pregnant with twins). My sister assured him that she was told that high hCG levels are not necessarily indicative of multiples. I don’t think that information really helped. 😛 Oh well.
One or five… I’m just glad he/she/they are in there!
My next beta test is Thursday. At that time they’ll schedule my first sonogram/ultrasound. I can’t wait to see little AquaSquirt!! Let’s see if I can refrain from POAS until then.
Noteworthy News!: We had my sister’s baby shower yesterday! It was a success! (and it’s DONE… whew!) Of course, I was running around taking care of everything. So, I didn’t get to take any pictures. My dad was our photographer, so I’m hoping to steal some from him and post them on here eventually.
So, first I have to admit that I slightly fibbed on my last post. The desire to POAS was stronger than I thought. Plus, The Boy added to the temptation. (He’s been wanting to for the last several days AND with the possibility of receiving bad news, he just really didn’t want me to be myself when I got the initial results.) I gave in and took a test Wednesday evening. Which was pretty risky because we had the kiddos that evening, and it could have been hard to hide any emotion. Of course, we didn’t even wait for them to go to bed. The Boy had me do it after dinner as soon as I had to go the bathroom. He even got the test stick out and ready for me. 😛 Well, I had just put Jude in the tub and I went to take the test. I was SOOOOO scared and nervous. I peed on the stick. I put it face down on the bathroom counter. I set a timer for 3 minutes on my phone. I turned off the light, and I left. I told Andy that I couldn’t handle it and that he would have to check it. He went to our bathroom and I sat in the kids’ bathroom while Jude took his bath. I hear Andy walking back towards where I was and he appeared in the doorway. He looked at me with tears in his eyes. I said “What?” He doesn’t answer. I said “What?” about 3 more times as I’m staring at my husband who is just looking at me with tears in his eyes. Finally, he says very quietly..
“I’m going to have a third child.”
That’s right. It was a BIG FAT… POSITIVE!
Disclaimer: Close family and friends who follow my blog, please note that this information is not going to be made “public” by us for a while. We ask that you please respect our desire to keep this a secret from those who are not aware of our IVF adventure until we are ready to share. Plus, there’s the added perk of creating the “perfect way” to make the announcement. Thanks so much!
I immediately jumped up and embraced him and started crying. We held on to each other for a while. He told me to go look at the test myself so I can see what a positive test looked like. 🙂 Then we gained our composure and continued with bath and bedtime with the kiddos. After the kiddos fell asleep we laid in bed together and just let it soak in. We agreed that we wouldn’t let anyone know until we got the “official” results from the Beta test the next day. But it was such a relief to get that test taken and those results. The rest of the evening had feelings of happiness, but also reservations and fear. What fear? Well, of course the fear that the test was wrong. But there was now (instead of a fear of not being able to get pregnant) a new fear of losing the pregnancy. What do I mean? Well, when I was sitting on my living room chair I started thinking “I wonder if the way I’m sitting is bad for the baby?” “What if I break it?” “What if I do something that loses it?” I KNOW… THIS STUFF MAKES YOU CRAZY!
Note: I COULD NOT sleep that night. It was a mix of nerves, excitement, fear and just constant thinking about what the future would bring for any scenario that resulted the next day. You would have thought taking the test would make me more relaxed, but it did not.
Well, the following morning I needed another confirmation so I POAS again.
Now it was time for the Beta test. This was pretty short and sweet. The only thing that is worth mentioning is that the timing was a little crazy. I had to go to the lab between 7:30-9:00 am to get my test done. But then I had a window where I had to drop off the kiddos at their gym day camp between 8:00-9:00. Of course my intent was to drop them off right at 8:00 and then head to the clinic, but the fun thing about kiddos is that they laugh at any kind of schedule you try to make. 😛 Luckily, their gym is close to clinic. I made it for my test at about 8:40. It took a little longer than I thought it should have (perhaps I was a little nervous and impatient) and was worried they weren’t going to get me in the lab. Of course, I did. 🙂 They took my blood and was done. Something I told my sister after my test…. “It’s funny. You wait and wait for the beta test. But really, that’s not what you’re waiting for. You’re waiting for the RESULTS. So now… We wait again.”
So, the whole day was a waiting game. My sister got her results earlier in the day (11ish) on her Beta test day. So, I was hoping that maybe these tests receive quicker results. Fast forward through relaxing at home for a bit, hanging out at my sister’s – with a nap, going to a school training session, and then back to my sister’s. NO PHONE CALL. It was becoming the latest they had ever called, and I was nervous that I wouldn’t get my results that day. (And it’s not like it is as easy as calling them to ask. If you call them you have to leave a message and then they return your call… hopefully.) My sister had to keep making me feel better and relax. (Little did she know that I was probably 10x better than I would have been had I not POAS previously. By the way… it was one of the hardest things I had to do to not tell my sister that I had already taken a couple of tests!!)
FINALLY at 2:57pm I got the phone call. I had to run out of my sister’s house because I didn’t want her to get the results before The Boy did. (I’d want the same done for myself.) Nurse Jen called, gave me the usual greeting, and then said she had some great news!
Omigoodness, I ‘d waited so long to hear those words said to me!! I gave a huge sigh of relief and then a mini scream of celebration. She told me I had great levels.
Beta Test #1
You can click on this link for a frame of reference. The BetaBase
She gave me some information. Then before I let her get off the phone with me I asked her a very important question that The Boy made sure I asked when they called. “Are we allowed to have sex yet?” Yes blog followers who aren’t at this stage yet. You’ll want to warn your partners…. after your IVF transfer no sexual intercourse/orgasms are allowed. She said no. This rule continues up until the first ultrasound. So, I called The Boy with the GREAT NEWS and the bad news. 🙂 We chatted for a little bit and made plans on who to call/notify at this time. I went in the house and told my sister (plus confessed my secret POAS tests). Then began the phone calls and texts. It’s funny how different it is with an IVF pregnancy. I think most people really only tell a VERY LIMITED number of people (if any) of a positive pregnancy this early. But when you have so many close friends and family members that follow your IVF journey, you can’t NOT tell them. One of my favorite reactions was my MIL’s. She called to say her congrats but then also admitted she was already at Nieman Marcus to buy some baby clothes. 🙂 It was really great to hear everyone’s positive and uplifting responses. I should also probably mention that my sister probably cried harder than me – to her credit she IS pregnant with twins. 🙂
Andy got off of work a little early and we had a celebration dinner at Cheesecake Factory. He even told me that he was taking the next day (Friday) off to spend with me. 🙂
So, what’s next? I go in for another beta test on Monday and then we will schedule a third one after that. They are making sure the numbers grow accordingly. Then after 3 beta tests, we will schedule an ultrasound/sonogram.
Such great news! You can bet that I’ve already downloaded some pregnancy apps on my phone, saved some pregnancy websites to my Favorites, and The Boy already bought me What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I’ve also found out my due date, which they calculate using the first day of your last period. Little AquaSquirt (long story regarding The Boy wanting to name our first boy Aquaman – I’m only half kidding; but since we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, it’s just a squirt. :P) is schedule to arrive April 8, 2015. As of today (8/1) I measure my pregnancy as 4w3d (4 weeks and 3 days).
Here goes nothing! 🙂
That was my very positive part of my blog. 🙂 Now, in typical Me-form I need to be grounded for a little bit. I want to take a moment and make note of some fears and reservations. We are still very VERY early in our pregnancy journey. Lots of things could happen. Plus, with my PCOS, I have a higher chance of complications/miscarriage. (Hopefully, being on Metformin will decrease these chances.) So, we are not making the information “public” until we pretty much have to (when I start showing), even if means going past the 1st trimester. It also means that I am constantly (in the background) on pins and needles and nervous. But I’m letting myself be positive. I’m not letting myself do things like google “PCOS, miscarriage, IVF” or any such search and read horror stories. I’m letting myself look at baby things. I’m letting myself discuss with Andy baby things. I’m letting myself BE HAPPY…. but just keeping myself aware.
It’s less than 24 hours until my beta test. Nerves are creeping up. Much to my surprise this 2ww (which won’t actually be two full weeks) hasn’t been too bad. I’m sure part of it is just how busy I’ve been. I’ve been working on my classroom – it’s almost done! I’ve had other planning and meeting events for school. I’ve been planning and prepping for Melanie’s baby shower – it’s this Sunday! In two weekends we are having a birthday party for Sophie – plus the in-laws will be in town! Then the weekend after that Andy is having a Beer and Diaper shower for Andrew (Melanie’s husband). Which of course means I’m planning a lot of it and will be making food for it. So, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. With all that being said, I also started thinking that maybe something was just plain wrong with me. I wasn’t thinking about the pregnancy test. I had no desire to POAS. Aren’t all these things that IVF-ers have on their mind CONSTANTLY during their 2ww?! What was wrong with me? Did I not care anymore? Had I lost hope? I started worrying myself.
As I said before, there were lots of things going on that could make me think that I was pregnant but I didn’t want to put that much weight in because they could also be side effects of the meds I was taking or early signs of a period. What kinds of things am I talking about?
*My breasts are SUPER tender and, at times, sore.
*I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night, almost every night, with a cramping sensation and a need to go to the bathroom. However it always ended up in a bout of constipation
*I’ve also been waking up in the middle of the night because I’ve been super hot.
*There are points during the day when I feel like I hit a wall and just get super tired.
*I get a bloated “full” feeling.
***Also, today, I thought I was personally going crazy because I was watching an episode of Glee before going to work and a point in the show just made me start crying, hard – I never cry.
It wasn’t until today that I had a desire to POAS, and the desire came on pretty strong. I texted back and forth with my sister about it, but argued my reasons why I didn’t want to.
So, tomorrow morning I go to have my blood drawn for the beta test. I’ve been personally fighting with how to handle this because you don’t find out the results right away. Just like all my other blood tests, you go in the morning and they call you with results later in the day (most of the time it has been around 2:00pm). So, I have been nervous that it will be negative and I will be alone when I find out the results. (This is why my sister thought that I should POAS while I am with the Boy beforehand.) I had wrestled with the idea of having them just leave me a message and then The Boy and I would just listen to it together later in the day. But The Boy was worried that they wouldn’t leave a message that would give us an answer, so we would wait all day and then get nothing conclusive and would have to wait until the next day to call them back. So, he thought maybe they should just call him. But I just had several issues with that one. I figured if it was positive he’d probably call me right away with the great news, but then at that same token if he didn’t call me then I would know that it was negative and he was just waiting to come home and be with me. So, I would know if it was positive or negative either way. I was afraid that during the wait of being with me he would tell someone else before me (and that is not okay). And I just think that I (as the could-be-mom) should get to find out first – just like every other normal pregnancy. So, I’ve decided that I’m just going to receive the call myself. If it’s positive then GREAT! If it’s negative, then I’ll just cry myself into a ball at home until he gets home. I’ve accepted these two scenarios.
What I would like to ask (particularly to my close family and friends that read my blog) is to please LET US CONTACT YOU when we’re ready with any results we want to share. I just imagined today what it would be like if I find out it is negative and then I get an onslaught of texts and phone calls asking me “How are you?” “Have you heard anything?” “How’d it go?” “What’d you find out?” That would just be too hard. Thanks so much for respecting this request.
Also, thanks so much for all of your encouraging words, your love, your support, and your prayers!
(4dp5dt = 4 days past 5 day transfer)
8 days until the test. I can honestly say that I have no desire to take a HPT. I just don’t feel like taking a test that could unnecessarily make me falsely disappointed or excited. The Boy has already asked me to take one. He said “Please do it for me. I won’t even tell you what it says. I’ll just look at it.” NOPE. I wouldn’t do it. However, the whole craziness of analyzing every little feeling is in full effect. What does that mean? It means my whole day goes like this:
*Does that cramp mean I’m pregnant?
*My body hurts…am I pregnant?
*What’s that tingling pain? Am I pregnant?
*My nipples are sore.. am I pregnant?
*I feel absolutely nothing right now, am I not pregnant?
This goes on in my head ALL. DAY. LONG. EVERY. DAY.
Not to mention the last two days I’ve been hit with a tiredness and dizziness at around 3-4pm accompanied with feeling extremely nauseated. Monday and Tuesday late afternoon I spent about 2-3 hours in bed napping/laying down and unable to eat dinner unless it was toast and/or soup.
The evil-natured part of it is that all of the early signs of pregnancy are also side effects of the Progesterone and Estradiol meds I’m taking. They are also early signs of an on-coming period. Why?!?!
One thing I will say is that I’m not letting my whole skeptic negative self completely take over this time. I’m letting Andy (and even myself) talk like I could be pregnant and letting him handle my belly like there’s a baby in there (i.e. he’s talking to it, kissing it, rubbing on it, etc).
…. Did I mention it’s 8 more days???
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